So, I convinced the Editor to bestow his extra $100 ticket on me in exchange for dropping a few E! style lines about the Quills. First off, I had the pleasure of accidentally finding myself standing next to Amy Sedaris at the pre-awards reception ($100 gets you an hour of free champagne – awesome. but no snacks – boo.), and she was adorable. Very tiny in person, in a green velvet dress with a giant feather across the skirt. And a matching little feathery purse! Totes adorable. I passed Al Roker a couple times, but I’d met him before and really he’s just kind of a short, rotund man – although he always does look cheerful and that goes a long way in my book (ha ha. book! get it? 'cause it's a book cer...oh, never mind). Brooke Shields also walked right by me, and she was a totally hottie – very tall, svelte and not as manly/tranny as pictures have led me to believe. And she had on a gorgeous black silk gown – her boobs looked great. As mentioned above, she did tower over poor Tiki.
On the way into the theater, I managed to lock eyes with Rocco DiSpirito, who I swear stared soulfully into mine. Or perhaps he was just trying to figure out why the hobbling crazy lady (my shoes were killing me) was trying to burn holes in his face with her eyes. Whatevs. As soon as I had broken away from his smoldering gaze, I heard a lovely British accent and caught of flash of red hair. OMG, I was standing mere inches from the original Fergie – Weight Watchers spokesperson and Duchess of York Sarah Ferguson. She was quickly swept away however, and the Editor was way ahead of me (with my ticket, I should add) due to my gawking and limping. So I rushed on and off to him and our seats.
What followed (as described in the Editor’s post above) was long and excruciating. It turns out that my best celeb spotting was already over. Except for Stephen Colbert, of course. Oh, and Lorraine Braco. I hadn’t noticed her in the lobby, and I can’t resist Dr. Melfi. Her dress was very sparkly and her legs looked as hot as usual. Other than that, a bunch of really old authors. Oh – and Joan Allen! Love her. But, I have to say, she walked a bit like a man. Maybe her feet hurt? I bet she didn’t have to take the subway there like some people I know (ahem, me), so I see no reason why her tootsies would be in pain. Also – she’s very skinny. Which I’ve always known but her neckline was really plunging (appropriate for book ceremony?) and I couldn’t help but notice all her little bones.
Now, I had been told that Ann Curry would be co-hosting these awards. And that was a big selling point for me. I don’t know why, but I love that woman. She’s so pretty and adorable, and she always seems like she really cares about stuff that’s happening in the world. And she’s willing to look like an idiot for fluff pieces on the Today Show. Yay! However, apparently, Ann cares too much because she was off reporting in Palestine or Pakistan or some P-country, so some other lady (they claimed a co-host of the Today Show, but I sometimes watch that and I’ve never seen her) hosted. Her name was weird, but she seemed to do well and seemed pleasant enough. And she and Al had a nice banter going on, so fine. But still. I really wanted to see Ann Curry.
And that my friends, was that. The Editor and I did manage to grab some of the yummy hor d’oerves for the after party on our way out, but with my feet aching and a champagne headache setting in, we silently made our exit.