Oh Rosie, I hope you wrote a letter of apology to Cindi

Media bistro reported that "Rosie O'Donnell has pulled the plug on her two-part interview with Diane Sawyer to promote her new book, Celebrity Detox. 'The book is a very personal snapshot of a certain time in Rosie's life, and she felt she bared her soul on those pages,' Rosie's publicist, Cindi Berger, said. 'She feels people should read the book and take away from it what they will. She does not want to do any interviews.'"

Oh Cindi, I'm soooooo sorry. I know you worked hard on Rosie's book, and got a ton of bookings for her and man it must have been like a knife in your heart when she said she didn't want to do Oprah. But what Rosie did to you is unacceptable! Nothing is harder as a publicist to cancel a booking or multiple bookings, but on top of that to put a spin like you did for your quote: kudos. I hope she wrote you a letter of apology, or sent you a fruit basket or something for undermining your hard work. I really don't get authors. We pay them cash for their books, and then when it comes time to do the media to promote them, they're all gun shy or something and it's a huge deal for them to do media. I'm going to post more on this strange dynamic later, so stay tuned. In the meantime Cindi, stay strong. You've got not only my sympathies, bot those of countless publicists.

Rock on!

-PUBLITRON

Slunch's Editor has no life

Yeah, it's Friday night, and the editor is finally getting around to updating Slunch and of course, he needs his intern. If you work in publishing, you understand how your free time is not entirely "free" and that your passtimes continue to pass you by while your work life works you over. At least he's plying me with enough Chardonnay to keep me happy while I fetch his dry cleaning, do the dishes in the sink, finish some research... and then there are the other fringe benefits ;)

-The Intern

ps: We're talking Ian McKellan hung here.

Ask Slunchie - Panicked on Park Ave

Dear Slunchie,

My boss just asked me what kind of response I was getting from my follow-ups for a book that is being released this November. Unfortunately, I've been slammed preparing for a huge author tour next month, and the book kind of slipped off my radar. In other words, there has been no follow-up. What should I do? -Panicked on Park Ave

What to do: First of all, Don't Panic. Drop everything and immediately send an email blast followup to the entire contact list that received your book. Then, contact the easiest placement you can get before the end of day. Immediately following this, make yourself scarce and unavailable to your boss in order to buy you time. Guaranteed, by 5pm, you'll be able to go to your boss with a list of at least 5 top tier placements that said "no," 1 outlet that said "yes," and 3 that said "thanks for reminding me, I'll have to take another look at it." And, by all means, don't mention that this is the first time that you've contacted anyone. If asked, merely reply that you were "consolidating your notes," or some other office slang for organization. So as long as you can give him/her an update by the end of the day, you're golden.

What not to do: Tell the truth. Your boss is only asking because your title is coming up on a marketing meeting, or the agent called to find out what was up. He/She just needs something to say. Again, repeat after me, do not tell the truth.

do ask,
-Slunchie

Review-Gawker Guide to Conquering all Media

Yesterday I was trolling through Gawker and came across the awesome trailer for their new book, complete with Dianetics call-back with faux almost pornographic volcano eruption. I had to watch it, I had to know more... and after I watched it I wanted to understand "How can I effectively berate and exploit my assistant?" and "How can I drink on the job and still get a raise?" (the last one I'm sure our deathwatch candidate would like to know as well). Well, I did what any blue blooded publishing peon would do, I emailed my friend who works over at S&S and they emailed their friend, and the next thing I knew, there was a copy of CONQUERING ALL MEDIA on my desk.

First of all, I was intimidated. Was my work here at Slunch over? Would they answer everything I had questions about? Would they say what I didn't even know I had to say yet? Fear not, while the Gawker Guide is incredible, it will inspire all of us over here at Slunch to work even harder so that one day, we too will get a book deal.

Upon first opening the book I was happy to see on page xi a handy glossary of icons. Among which was a martini glass which indicates "you might want to skip this section. It's useless. We started to drink heavily as the book deadline approached." Spoken like true writers. Brilliant! So, with that in mind, I made my self a martini (or three) and sat down to write this review.

The book is broken down into 7 sections, 5 of which are dedicated to the different branches of the media" Book Publishing, Print, Radio, TV and Film (suckers, lumped together), The Internet. Working in Book Publishing and Blogging on the Interwebs, chapters 2 and 6 intrigued me most so I read them first... that is after turning to page 19. I have an assistant that I feel I'm not effectively berating and need to know how. Unfortunately, I was a victim of false advertising. Instead of giving me a blow by blow on how to handle my own assistant, there is a hilarious sample dialogue of "you" calling someone elses "assistant."

Damn martinis are hitting me pretty hard now.

Anyways, Gawker hits the nail on the head when they answer the question about how does the book publishing industry really work? The answer: "It doesn't really work. But the good news is that the industry's ass-backwardness makes it an easy mark for domination." This is something I've been saying for years and I'm glad someone finally put it into print.

In the Internet section they have incredible examples of the Very Important IM (VIIM) including how to use IM to fire employees.

Well, this is getting pretty long for a post, and I'm having trouble focusing now that I just finished martini number 3, so let me sum up- If your work in media, buy this book. If you're thinking about working in media, buy this book, and if you work in publishing, email your friend at S&S for a copy.

-PUBLITRON

Ask Slunchie-Miserable in Midtown

"Actually, I would like to start an office Romance. Any tips?
Thank you in advance." –Miserable in Midtown

what to do: The quickest way to start an office romance is with booze. Organize an office happy hour and invite your target of choice. They'll feel comfortable going out with a group but awkward enough hanging out with coworkers, making for the perfect dynamic to get tipsy fast. Buy a round to show off, and to help everyone get nice and blotto so that memories will be pretty hazy the next day and your motives not so obvious. Be sure to check in and chat up your romantic target throughout the evening, and once you've reached a good conversation point, suggest going somewhere else a little more quiet (like your place - or the now empty office building 'cause after hours office sex = hot) to chat. The rest is up to you my friend, the rest is up to you.

What not to do: buy them something from Tiffany’s and give it to them at the company holiday party in front of everyone else and then bang them in the copy room. Sure, many a 2nd marriage have begun this way, but I don’t recommend it. It gets akward way fast, especially if its your assistant.

do ask,
-Slunchie

blind item

What recent award winner is known as being a bit of a lecherous sleaze with a penchant for sleeping with his Gothic fan base despite being married? I'll give you another clue: his new movie tanked.

-Paige Sexie

Purely Speculation... but

According to the blog-o-sphere-net-tubes-web, Oprah Winfrey will announce her latest book club selection on October 5, and big surprise, the publisher is Vintage. After trolling through the Vintage site and seeing what they have coming up (and taking a poll from all the slunch contributors) we would like to make a wild speculation that the title that she'll choose is (insert ending of Sopranos finale here... just kidding) Fire in the Blood by Irene Nemirosvsky. Why you ask? One word "Auschwitz." We're talking heartbreaking tale here, genocide, and of course a race of people relentlessly persecuted by Mel Gibson.

Can't wait to find out if we're right, or asked to remove this post (same thing).

do tell,

the editor

Bay Area: 1; Atlanta: 0

I'm sure you all remember awhile back when the AJC eliminated the position of book review editor and the book community went all petition crazy and junk. And, of course, the AJC didn't give two shits and now Ms. Weaver is working for Habitat for Humanity and Atlanta Magazine . Well, it turns out that the Contra Costa Times is a bit more caring about their literary audience. BRE Sue Gilmore has announced that the newspaper has reversed it's decision to move their Sunday Book Review section out of the paper and onto the interwebs only, due to the huge outcry from readers.

Apparently the Contra Costa times made the mistake of thinking that people who still subscribed to papers preferred TV listings over book reviews, not realizing that no one freaking checks the paper to see what's on. That's what the "Guide" button is for on our Time Warner remote. Plus, who watches live TV anymore? We have Tivo and DVR people. Also, I remember back when I used to get a paper (or well, when my parents did and I still lived at home), it came with this crappy little local TV guide thing that had the schedule for the whole week. And we saved that, and looked in it (because my parents were assholes and refused to get cable so I didn't have a fancy schmancy "Guide" button. Screw you all.) when we wanted to see what was on. But, I digress. The point is, go Contra Costa Times for realizing that you were being dumb retards. And boo, AJC for never realizing the same. That is all.

-Ladytron

ps. I should probably also note that the Contra Costa Times received a number of letters suggesting that their loyal readers would defect to - horrors - the San Francisco Chronicle. The AJC has the luxury of being the only decent newspaper in the state, so really, where else where those whiney literati gonna go?