Jews for Jebus

I don't know if you were at the hell that was Barnes & Noble at Union Square for the midnight sale of the last Harry Potter book, but if you were you might have noticed the Jews for Jesus brigade passing out their pamphlets. I'm not sure if this has anything to do with the hubbub created by the great debate over bookstores in Israel being open on the sabbath as reported in the hilariously politically incorrect series of stories over at Gawker, or if they thought that Jewish muggles (or Juggles) made for fine converts to their way of thinking now that they'll no longer have the temple of potter to pray at. But it all leads me to question where were the scientologists and if the Jews for Jesus will be at the premiere of the Simpson's movie passing out information on Jews for Jebus?

-Slunchie

Literary event of the month. Davisdson v Ames

This has to be the coolest thing ever. Davidson v Ames at Gleason's on July 26. Two authors duking it out all to promote a book? I say a resounding YES. There needs to be more fighting among rivals. Spontaneous brawls are fine if you're Toby Young, but a planned event is just brilliant. So, Letham, if you want to leave your Superman and Golom of Prague behind, I'm waiting for you!

the editor

The missing paragraph

Every once in a while you come across a true gem of a truly horrible submission. I mean a train wreck wrapped in roadkill kind of piece so horrible you can't turn away. For your pleasure I present the following from a submission I like to call FRONTLUMPS...

"Come with me back to my man cave" Daimon did not so much ask as command Angelika. "I want to caress your magnificent front lumps, tear your panties off with my teeth and make you my living penis sheath and deposit my loin butter inside you."

my god! Loin butter???? WTF???

"Oh Daimon, you cad, you scoundrel. How i want to feel your love sausage deep inside my moist parts!" Her pleasantly fleshy bits rising and falling like fleshy waves on an ocean of lust."

Fortunately James Paterson is not as prone to such rhapsodies in blue... balls. Though, he could learn a thing or two from this poor submitters passion for writing erotica ;)

and my favorite bit is this includes words that are an anathema to many friends such as Moist and Panties.

heh

The Editor

The editor of Slunch is a whore

While the motives of Slunch's Editor appear to be altruistic, and altogether perezhilton-esque for the publishing scene, it's funny to note that it launches on the same day that mediabistro sells for 23 million dollars. I have it on good account, that although the Editor has been thinking of launching this site for quite some time, they believe that they can sink ten years of their life into maintaining, editing and writing for the Slunch blog on the chance that they might be able to sell it for millions of dollars. Granted, there are industrious entrepreneurs out there with loads of cash (fingers crossed I get severance pay), but the Editor might just be better off buying a quick pick lotto. BTW, the Editor's numbers for tonight are 4,17,31,35,48,51. Buy a lotto ticket, it's like voluntary taxation.

-The Intern

Mister Pot-tare

So the biggest news in publishing today, despite the doldrums encountered between miniscule paychecks, and, well, that huge explosion/water main break near the new Grand Central Publishing Offices (good luck getting to work tomorrow) is the online pirated release of the final Harry Potter on Bit Torrent and other such sites as reported by Buzzfeed not the least of which is the impending lawsuit from Scholastic against the web hosts. Dear lord, they might lose thousands of dollars because of this. Come on, really, are you going to read all 900 plus pages on your computer or print them out at work? Besides, if you're not toting the new book, letting everyone see you read it on the subway, who's really going to try and pick you up. Evidently, the woman who is almost richer than god, or at least the queen of England, has posted a rebuttle on her journal. But really, trying to protect readers from spoilers is like telling someone who always reads the last chapter first to take a chill pill. Those who want to be suprised will be. Those who want to know, will find a way.

If you want to know, click here. My favorite spoiler of everyone who dies is preficed by a LOL. Now, that's something to laugh about.

And in an improbable segue bringing everything back to the title of this post, Gabe Kaplan, king to what was once the 4th Largest City in America, has a new book out about the crazy correspondences he's had over the years. Take that hipsters!

-Slunch Editor

Slunch- the publishing insiders blog launches!

Welcome to Slunch,

if you're unfamiliar with the term it harkens back to the last golden age of publishing, a time when you could still smoke in your office if you had a window that could open, a book on the bestseller list meant a champagne toast, hooking up with coworkers in the copy room was (well still is) the right of every underpaid, overworked, idealistic sop that got into this business in the first place. It was also a time when editorial assistants would get together once a week, order delivery for lunch and go through the piles of slush manuscripts and gossip about who made out in the copy room, and spread salacious rumours about coworkers, authors, and agents.

So, this, my dear reader, is a place to bring your juciest tid bits from our shared field and share them anonomously. All submissions are welcome and those deamed lascivious or genuine will be posted anonomously by me on your behalf (ie: no press releases) What did your author do today that pissed you off? What did you really think of that last book you read? Who is sleeping with whom? Why did the director really get that promotion? We all dish, and what better place than Slunch?

-Slunch Editor