Yesterday I was trolling through Gawker and came across the awesome trailer for their new book, complete with Dianetics call-back with faux almost pornographic volcano eruption. I had to watch it, I had to know more... and after I watched it I wanted to understand "How can I effectively berate and exploit my assistant?" and "How can I drink on the job and still get a raise?" (the last one I'm sure our deathwatch candidate would like to know as well). Well, I did what any blue blooded publishing peon would do, I emailed my friend who works over at S&S and they emailed their friend, and the next thing I knew, there was a copy of CONQUERING ALL MEDIA on my desk.
First of all, I was intimidated. Was my work here at Slunch over? Would they answer everything I had questions about? Would they say what I didn't even know I had to say yet? Fear not, while the Gawker Guide is incredible, it will inspire all of us over here at Slunch to work even harder so that one day, we too will get a book deal.
Upon first opening the book I was happy to see on page xi a handy glossary of icons. Among which was a martini glass which indicates "you might want to skip this section. It's useless. We started to drink heavily as the book deadline approached." Spoken like true writers. Brilliant! So, with that in mind, I made my self a martini (or three) and sat down to write this review.
The book is broken down into 7 sections, 5 of which are dedicated to the different branches of the media" Book Publishing, Print, Radio, TV and Film (suckers, lumped together), The Internet. Working in Book Publishing and Blogging on the Interwebs, chapters 2 and 6 intrigued me most so I read them first... that is after turning to page 19. I have an assistant that I feel I'm not effectively berating and need to know how. Unfortunately, I was a victim of false advertising. Instead of giving me a blow by blow on how to handle my own assistant, there is a hilarious sample dialogue of "you" calling someone elses "assistant."
Damn martinis are hitting me pretty hard now.
Anyways, Gawker hits the nail on the head when they answer the question about how does the book publishing industry really work? The answer: "It doesn't really work. But the good news is that the industry's ass-backwardness makes it an easy mark for domination." This is something I've been saying for years and I'm glad someone finally put it into print.
In the Internet section they have incredible examples of the Very Important IM (VIIM) including how to use IM to fire employees.
Well, this is getting pretty long for a post, and I'm having trouble focusing now that I just finished martini number 3, so let me sum up- If your work in media, buy this book. If you're thinking about working in media, buy this book, and if you work in publishing, email your friend at S&S for a copy.
-PUBLITRON
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